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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,372

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Going bananas on Slack:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Breaking via Threads:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Promises made after a night of regrets and headaches! 🍻😅 #JustOneMoreTime #TheStruggleIsReal"

activity, again, drinking, fun, going, humor, later, never, promise, something, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

0

1 month ago

appreciate, appreciation, communication, drunk, drunk text, friendship, humor, intoxication, message, someone, straight, text, texting, texts, think, thought
I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

0

2 months ago

clean, cleanliness, couch, disgusted, disgusted stare, hate, home, house, humor, i, laziness, messy, messy house, procrastination, relax, stare
Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

0

2 months ago

digital, forgot, gone, humor, life, lightbulb, login, man, modern, modern life, password, roommate, technology, too
I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

0

2 months ago

actually, again, conversation, encounter, humor, i, insight, love, never, perspective, random, random encounter, say, shit, stranger, strangers, talking
Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, daily, daily life, humor, life, me, night, relatable, sleep, wait, waking, waking up
“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

0

6 months ago

commentary, feel, humor, normalize, once, sarcasm, shame, social, social commentary

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on YouTube this month:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Occupation: the ugly friend!

Trending via WhatsApp:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Just landed via Threads:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨