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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has shared:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

I only use β€˜sir’ disrespectfully.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Sorry, I can’t come over tonight. I’ve become too invested in these fictional characters and whether or not they will kiss.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has shared:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has copied:

β€œClean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Snapchat:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Shared recently on Discord:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Making waves on Slack:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Going viral on WeChat:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Breaking via YouTube:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Going viral on Discord:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My dream car is a taco truck.

β€œI’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Witty quote about jealousy and wealth, with playful, humorous tone.
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Commentary:
Living the dream: chores in paradise with a limitless credit card! πŸ’ΈπŸ§ΊπŸΉ

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

64 shares on Discord this month:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

38 shares on X this month:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

82 shares on Slack this month:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,383

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has shared:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has copied:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has viewed:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Snapchat:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Seen just now on Threads:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Spotted on X:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

Spotted on Threads:

Making art is making love to the world.

Just shared via Reddit:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

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