Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

At least life has music.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Making waves on Instagram:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Going viral on Discord:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Breaking via Facebook:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

Just shared via WeChat:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Just shared via WeChat:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Just landed via Instagram:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

1 month ago

Witty quote about jealousy and wealth, with playful, humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living the dream: chores in paradise with a limitless credit card! 💸🧺🍹

envy, humor, jealous, jealousy, man, marriage, married, men, nobody, relationship, stay-at-home, stay-at-home wife, wealthy, wealthy man, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Facebook this month:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

45 shares on Threads this month:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Spotted on Telegram:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Shared recently on Slack:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Breaking via X:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Spotted on Messenger:

How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Just shared via Messenger:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

This cucumber Gatorade got me quenched in an unprecedented manner.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

This cucumber Gatorade got me quenched in an unprecedented manner.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨