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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Live now on Facebook:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Making waves on Slack:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Making waves on WeChat:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Trending via YouTube:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Breaking via Telegram:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Spotted on Threads:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.
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Commentary:
Hiring managers beware: this job seeker is ready to tackle any task… as long as it doesn't involve crafting a dreaded cover letter! 📝🙅‍♂️ Who's got time for eloquent prose when there are memes to be browsed and snacks to be eaten, am I right? 😂 Stay tuned for the next episode of "Avoiding Cover Letters: A Memoir."

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Having a low quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Just landed via TikTok:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Just landed via Twitch:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Breaking via Reddit:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Trending via LinkedIn:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

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