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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,358

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Going viral on Slack:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Spotted on Discord:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Live now on Messenger:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Just shared via TikTok:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Spotted on Slack:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Trending via Reddit:

Stop dating if you have no car.

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Witty warning about avoiding toxic partners disguised as dream guys, humorous and playful tone.
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Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect role for a rom-com villain. Just remember, girls, not all heroes wear capes—sometimes they just have common sense! 😂👠💨

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

35 shares on Reddit this month:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

57 shares on X this month:

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

38 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

56 shares on X this month:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,420

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

How do people post 25 times a day? The only thing I can do 25 times a day is pee.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Spotted on X:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Spotted on Messenger:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Seen just now on Discord:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Seen just now on YouTube:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Going viral on Instagram:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

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