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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,358

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Spotted on Threads:

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Shared recently on Discord:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Just landed via YouTube:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Making waves on Facebook:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Going viral on Slack:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Going viral on Reddit:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

0
Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?
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Commentary:
Well, that depends on whether your therapist is trying to give you financial advice instead of emotional support! 💸😂 It might be time to consider a new therapist if they're more interested in cashing in than helping you work through your issues. Just remember, therapy is meant to provide healing, not just cha-ching! 😉

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Instagram this month:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

62 shares on Instagram this month:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,489

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Live now on Slack:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Just shared via Facebook:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Spotted on YouTube:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Spotted on Telegram:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Just shared via Reddit:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

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