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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

14 minutes ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Making waves on Threads:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Trending via Messenger:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Going viral on Snapchat:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

Just landed via YouTube:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Just landed via X:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Broadcasted on X:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Just landed via Twitch:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Spotted on Reddit:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

6 months ago

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Getting ready is a skillful balancing act between mastering the art of procrastination for 45 minutes 💤 and then channeling your inner superhero for the mad dash in the final 15 minutes 🏃‍♀️⏰. Welcome to the magic show of 'how to transform from a sleepy sloth to a stylish ninja' in 60 minutes!"

always, doing, getting, getting ready, hectic, hour, humor, management, me, minutes, nothing, preparation, procrastination, ready, rest, self-care, time, time management

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

14 minutes ago

3,450

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Breaking via YouTube:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Breaking via Reddit:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Just shared via X:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Trending via X:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

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