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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,655

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Trending via Instagram:

Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Trending via Discord:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Going viral on Messenger:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Live now on Instagram:

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Breaking via Facebook:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Witty quote about rappers fearing poetic rivals, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine trying to rap battle with someone, only to have them drop a Shakespeare-level sonnet about your shortcomings 🎤🧐 Talk about a lyrical ambush! #RhymeAndShade"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

16 shares on X this month:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

17 shares on Slack this month:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

78 shares on Threads this month:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,477

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I let my girl wear whatever because you’re staring, and I’m hittin’ that.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Trending via X:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Trending via Slack:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Trending via Instagram:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

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