It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

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You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

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Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

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Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

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Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

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There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

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My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

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According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

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Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

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The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.