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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

335 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,928

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,928

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,657

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Broadcasted on Discord:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Just landed via Twitch:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the small talk supply chain runs dry by midweek 😂🙌 #SilenceIsGolden

alone, Friday, frustration, humor, i, independence, introvert, leave, me, please, ran, small, small talk, solitude, talk, Tuesday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

1 month ago

humor, husband, meeting, mess, nude, nudes, prank, relationship, send, send nude, text, texting, work
In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

1 month ago

airplane, airplane safety, card, credit, credit card, emergency, event, head, humor, inflate, jacket, joke, landing, life, life jacket, over, place, safety, swipe, water, water landing
The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

1 month ago

art, breakfast, brush, canvas, creativity, food, food art, jam, knife, paint, toast
When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

1 month ago

humor, i, me, million, response, ridiculous, saved, saving, say, someone, something, standing, want, wheelchair
I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

1 month ago

advertising, alcohol, company, customers, drunk, drunk person, humor, i, irony, marketing, never, person, seen, shame
I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

1 month ago

childhood, dynamics, each other, family, family dynamics, growing, growing up, humor, i, irony, much, poor, poor family, worst, worst part

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Going bananas on Slack:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Seen just now on Threads:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Going viral on Facebook:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Trending via Discord:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

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It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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