It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

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I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

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Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

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I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

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Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

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Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

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Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

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Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?