Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Live now on WeChat:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Trending via TikTok:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Live now on Snapchat:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Shared recently on Slack:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Making waves on Telegram:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Live now on X:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Going bananas on Facebook:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your heart's a runaway train and your brain's not even on board! 🚂💔🤦‍♂️"

crush, even, feelings, hope, humor, infatuation, just, love, optimism, romantic, sarcasm, unsupervised

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

0

2 months ago

3, 3 a.m., a.m., again, am, being, deprivation, getting, ghost, hearing, hoping, humor, just, means, night, noise, parent, parenting, sleep, sleep deprivation, toddler
Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

0

2 months ago

bit, culture, food, humor, incompatibility, kissing, onion, onion soup, relationship, same, soup, strange, think
Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

0

2 months ago

after, authentication, codes, drama, existence, humor, impossible, mission, Mission Impossible, seconds, security, suburban, thank
Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

0

2 months ago

am, animal, better, comparison, daily, daily life, day, dog, every, happiness, having, head, humor, i, joy, know, life, pet, time, window
God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

0

2 months ago

divine, expectation, frustration, God, humor, irony, just, me, paperwork, procedure, say
“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

0

4 months ago

bathroom, before, epitaph, humor, i, left, pee, procrastination, regret

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on TikTok this month:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

I would prefer not to.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

100 shares on Slack this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

10 shares on Threads this month:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Going viral on Reddit:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Just shared via Discord:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨