Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,585

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Just landed via Messenger:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Breaking via Telegram:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Making waves on Facebook:

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Going viral on WeChat:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Going bananas on Telegram:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When it comes to semicolons, I'm 100% committed to my 50% confidence; 😅📚

confidence, grammar, humor, language, never, punctuation, semicolon, used, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

0

2 months ago

around, bear, casual, eat, eating, friends, hang, hanging, hanging out, humor, i, just, pantsless, pooh, Pooh Bear, relaxed, want
Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

0

2 months ago

activity, downloading, fun, fun activity, humor, irony, music, right, soundtrack, syncing, technology, Titanic
First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

0

2 months ago

activity, colonoscopy, couples, date, first date, funny idea, health, humor, idea
Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

0

5 months ago

attitude, determination, doing, everyone, freedom, humor, i, independence, keep, stubbornness, unfortunately, want, whatever
According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

0

2 months ago

energy, fantasy, Gollum, handsome, Hobbit, humor, irony, life, man, men, once, ring, think, young, youth, zest
Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

0

2 months ago

call, forgetfulness, forgot, humor, i, item, keys, lost, lost item, put, someone, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Reddit this month:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

72 shares on X this month:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

99 shares on X this month:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Breaking via Reddit:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Just landed via YouTube:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Trending via Slack:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Trending via Threads:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Breaking via WeChat:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Breaking via Telegram:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

Live now on WeChat:

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

Shared recently on X:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨