Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,603

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Breaking via Messenger:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Spotted on YouTube:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Going viral on YouTube:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Move over, Titanic! Batman Forever is the true love story 😂🌹🦇

Batman, Batman Forever, ever, forever, funny observation, humor, kiss, Kiss From a Rose, most, movie, movie quote, nostalgia, observation, romantic, romantic movie, rose, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

0

2 months ago

back, dark, dark humor, ever, humor, joke, life, life support, me, medical, medical humor, plug, resilience, sarcasm, support, unplug, works
I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

0

2 months ago

am, ask, communication, function, hate, humor, i, interaction, introvert, me, much, others, people, personality, quiet, rude, rudeness, social, social interaction, talk, talking, why
If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

0

2 months ago

advice, best, billionaire, election, humor, interest, person, politician, sarcasm, someone, telling, vote
Avocado is just green butter.

0

2 months ago

avocado, butter, comparison, culinary, culinary joke, fat, food, food comparison, food humor, green, healthy, healthy fat, humor, joke, just
You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

0

2 months ago

attraction, cartoon, give, Goofy, humor, hyuck, i, love, weird
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

0

2 months ago

evolution, hand, humor, irony, mother, parenting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

57 shares on X this month:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

63 shares on Twitch this month:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wolves should really raise more people.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

79 shares on Slack this month:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Just shared via Threads:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Trending via Messenger:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Trending via Threads:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Live now on Telegram:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Making waves on Discord:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Spotted on Discord:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Avocado is just green butter.

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨