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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Broadcasted on WeChat:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Freshly posted on Discord:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Just landed via Facebook:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Just shared via Slack:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Spotted on Threads:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Spotted on YouTube:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Spotted on Instagram:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.
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Commentary:
Tiramisu should be a daily requirement in life's food pyramid! 🍰🤔 Why is the universe so stingy with the good stuff? 😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

31 shares on YouTube this month:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

33 shares on Threads this month:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Just shared via Twitch:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Just shared via Facebook:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Live now on Discord:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Spotted on Instagram:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Just landed via X:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

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