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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,875

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Shared recently on Facebook:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Going viral on Twitch:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When your crush actually likes you back and you secretly wonder if they're trolling: 🕵️‍♀️😳👀

actually, anxiety, attraction, attractive, crush, dating, fear, humor, insecurity, OMG, relationship, social, social anxiety, someone, terrifying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

1 month ago
before, choices, decision, humor, i, know, me, never, risk, smart, stopped
Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

1 month ago
birthday, celebration, fun, i, Jesus, money, need, organize
Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

1 month ago
activity, animals, floats, goat, helium, humor, weird, whatever
I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

1 month ago
bring, chatter, communication, conversation, friendship, fun, i, love, me, much, socializing, talkative, talking, together, yapping
My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

1 month ago
busy, coffee, college, drinking, going, hot, humor, kids, leave, miss, parenting, still, think
Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

1 month ago
challenge, drinking, dry, Dry January, even, humor, i, January, laugh, month, people, worse, worst, worst month, year

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Spotted on Discord:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Trending via Snapchat:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Breaking via Messenger:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Spotted on Slack:

Windmill? Big fan.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

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Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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