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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Seen just now on Slack:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Going viral on Messenger:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Trending via Snapchat:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Making waves on Instagram:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about imagining a carefree, spoiled life with friends, full of humor and wit.

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Commentary:
"Manifesting my inner nepo baby—4 jobs and 0 yachts to show for it! 🛍️🛥️💸 #WhereDidIGoWrong"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

77 shares on X this month:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Alexa, mute my children.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Spotted on Discord:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Going viral on Twitch:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Spotted on Telegram:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Shared recently on Twitch:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

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Activity Log ✨

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨