Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.