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Me: Well, being a master of surprise illusions could be a professional goal too, right? 🎩✨ Who wouldn't want to perform the disappearing act in style, even during job interviews? 😂🚌 #MagicGoals

across, always, aspiration, bus, disappear, goal, goals, humor, i, interview, interviewer, joke, me, meant, professional, professional goal, someone, stare, street, wanted

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Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

1 month ago
day, going, having, humor, i, least, life, myself, plan, planned, pregnancy, pregnancy test, relief, remind, reminder, still, stress, stress relief, take, test, thing
You lose some, you lose some more.

1 month ago
defeat, humor, irony, lose, loss, perspective
Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

1 month ago
anything, apparently, communication, culture, guys, hear, humor, internet, internet culture, media, online, say, social, social media
“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

4 months ago
country, cultural, cultural difference, difference, humor, i, insufferability, know, observation, particular, people, person, poor, poor country, rich, rich person, social, social observation, type
Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

1 month ago
aging, enjoy, fatter, going, humor, life, older, only, perspective
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

1 month ago
bathroom, humor, i, necessity, newspaper, newspapers, old, paper, pun, ran, resourcefulness, rough, rough times, start, times, toilet, toilet paper

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Shared recently on YouTube:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Breaking via X:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Going viral on Telegram:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Making waves on Messenger:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Shared recently on Telegram:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Making waves on Facebook:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

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Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

You lose some, you lose some more.

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

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Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

You lose some, you lose some more.

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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