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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Making waves on Twitch:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Trending via Pinterest:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Just shared via Instagram:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Freshly posted on X:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Spotted on TikTok:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Breaking via Instagram:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Trending via TikTok:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Breaking via WeChat:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about humor and honesty in the workplace.

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Commentary:
When your sense of humor gets a pink slip from HR 😂🤦‍♂️

admit, communication, conversation, Funny, hr, humor, joke, me, okay, workplace

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Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Slack this month:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

92 shares on Telegram this month:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Shared recently on X:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Seen just now on Discord:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Going viral on Twitch:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Making waves on Reddit:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Seen just now on TikTok:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Just shared via TikTok:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

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Activity Log ✨

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨