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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Trending via TikTok:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Shared recently on Discord:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Spotted on TikTok:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Spotted on WeChat:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Freshly posted on X:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Just shared via Threads:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

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Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🖨️ "Oh, printer, the real MVP of the office, showing off its vocal talents before getting down to business! 🤣 Who knew a printer could be so cheeky and full of surprises? It's like a mini concert before each print job! 🎶 Just when you thought printing was a quiet affair, the printer proves it's got its own set of tunes to jam to. Rock on, printer, rock on! 🤘"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Twitch this month:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

97 shares on Threads this month:

No more fun facts. I want to know what your last nightmare was about.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

34 shares on X this month:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

44 shares on Discord this month:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

32 shares on X this month:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,612

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Making waves on X:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Live now on Reddit:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Making waves on Threads:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Making waves on Messenger:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Just landed via Facebook:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

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