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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

40 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Going viral on Telegram:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Just landed via Twitch:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

Spotted on YouTube:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

5 months ago

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the struggle of dealing with the brutal honesty! 🤭💻 It's like trying to stream your favorite show, only for the WiFi to suddenly ghost you. 😂📶 Just standing there, lost in the digital abyss, contemplating your life choices and waiting for the universe to hit play again. 🤔🔄 #TruthHurts #WiFiWoes

buffering, confused, confusion, humor, just, lie, most, outage, people, reality, stand, technology, truth, wifi

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

40 minutes ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Facebook:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Trending via Reddit:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Breaking via Slack:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Spotted on Messenger:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Just landed via Instagram:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Reported on TikTok:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Making waves on Slack:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

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