Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Going viral on Slack:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Making waves on Reddit:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Shared recently on Discord:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Just landed via Telegram:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, just blast some tunes and make a dance party instead of lemonade! 🎶🍋💃

bit, Earth, enjoyment, entertainment, humor, just, life, little, living, mood, music, survival

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

0

2 months ago

ask, asking, before, Google, help, humor, information, irony, know, knowledge, someone, something, technology, time, works
I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

0

2 months ago

almost, anxiety, humor, it is what it is, panic, relatable, stress, vomit
Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

0

2 months ago

disappearance, domestic, domestic life, ever, house, humor, idea, life, messy, messy house, police, signs, signs of struggle, struggle
I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, backyard, carrying, chainsaw, funny activity, guessing, humor, i, joke, keep, ladder, relationship, surprise, walking, wife
If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

0

2 months ago

burn, burn calorie, calorie, enough, exercise, head, humor, media, scroll, scrolling, shake, shake head, shaking, social, social media, too, Twitter
Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

0

2 months ago

day, end, energy, exhaustion, humor, left, much, perspective, time, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

88 shares on Threads this month:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Just shared via Messenger:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Just shared via Slack:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Just landed via Slack:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨