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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,688

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Just landed via Discord:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Live now on Reddit:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Making waves on Facebook:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Just shared via WeChat:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Shared recently on Discord:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Trending via Slack:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Spotted on Slack:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

Witty text mocking a tweet, highlighting humor and absurdity in a playful way.
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Commentary:
Elon strikes again with his legendary wisdom! 🧐😂 #DeepThoughts

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

92 shares on Slack this month:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

71 shares on Discord this month:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

19 shares on Instagram this month:

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

68 shares on Slack this month:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You can reach me by butterfly.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Breaking via Instagram:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Just shared via WeChat:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Going viral on YouTube:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Making waves on Facebook:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Going viral on TikTok:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

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