My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

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Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

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11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

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Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

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Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

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Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

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Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

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It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

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I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

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The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

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Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.