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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,653

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Going viral on YouTube:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Spotted on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Going viral on YouTube:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Breaking via Messenger:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Live now on Instagram:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Shared recently on Facebook:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Just landed via Instagram:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Breaking via Facebook:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about workplace frustrations paired with an amusing coffee shop music question.

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Commentary:
Sounds like the only music playing is the "No Raises Blues" featuring the hit single "Your Wallet's Gone Acoustic" 🎶😅☕️

before, boss, coffee, coffee shop, complaint, denied, hear, humor, me, music, never, raise, shift, shop, today, wanted, work

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18 shares on Telegram this month:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

68 shares on Threads this month:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

14 shares on Slack this month:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Seen just now on X:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Making waves on TikTok:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Seen just now on X:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Live now on Instagram:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

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Activity Log ✨

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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