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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,683

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Just shared via X:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Just landed via X:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Just landed via X:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Breaking via Pinterest:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Making waves on Facebook:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Witty quote about workplace humor, highlighting cleverness and lightheartedness in a fun way.
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Commentary:
Looks like you took the initiative to a whole new level! 🤣👏 Who knew finishing work early could be so productive? Your boss must be impressed with your efficiency! 😉 #WorkSmartNotHard

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

84 shares on Slack this month:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope my email finds you enraged.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,690

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Breaking via Threads:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Spotted on WeChat:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Just landed via WeChat:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Just landed via YouTube:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Live now on TikTok:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Spotted on TikTok:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Spotted on Instagram:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Trending via X:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

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