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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,500

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Seen just now on X:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Shared recently on Slack:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Going viral on Instagram:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Spotted on YouTube:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Trending via Reddit:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the DLC character of parenting 🤔🕵️‍♂️✨

absence, absent, dad, family, humor, identity, presence, present, relationship, secret, thing, third

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

0

2 months ago

craving, desire, food, having, humor, humor quote, i, joke, sex, tacos, wish
Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

0

3 months ago

communication, excuse, eyesight, glasses, hearing, humor, i, misunderstanding, repeat, said, sorry
SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

0

2 months ago

app, casino, design, every, experience, feels, game, game design, much, online, online shopping, open, Shein, shopping, shopping app, time, too, user, user experience
This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

0

2 months ago

ceremony, commentary, email, event, humor, me, observation, social, social event, unexpected, wedding
Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

0

2 months ago

actually, dark, dark humor, die, humor, i, irony, own, secret, show, skeleton, sucks
There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

0

5 months ago

beverage, clumsiness, coffee, cup, fear, full, hand, morning, nothing, sneeze, spill

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

86 shares on Threads this month:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

59 shares on X this month:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

59 shares on X this month:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Spotted on Slack:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Trending via Twitch:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Live now on Telegram:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Spotted on Reddit:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Live now on Instagram:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Going viral on Facebook:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Spotted on X:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨