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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,354

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Shared recently on Threads:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

God saw you do that.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Just landed via Telegram:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Just shared via YouTube:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Shared recently on Instagram:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Making waves on YouTube:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Shared recently on X:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

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My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.
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Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the DLC character of parenting 🤔🕵️‍♂️✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Slack this month:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Love is in the air, but so is the flu. Wash your hands!

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

A garlic a day keeps people away.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,312

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Trending via Facebook:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Just landed via Reddit:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Breaking via TikTok:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Spotted on Messenger:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Making waves on Discord:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Making waves on Facebook:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

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