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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Making waves on Slack:

Making art is making love to the world.

Just shared via Facebook:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Live now on Threads:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Making waves on Messenger:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Going viral on Messenger:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a high-latency relationship! 😂💻❤️

center, data, data center, different, girlfriend, humor, joke, know, relationship, tech, tech joke

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

0

2 months ago

banana, candy, company, eye, food, honesty, humor, know, lie, perception, straight, taste
Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

0

2 months ago

break, die, humor, jealousy, just, phone, rest, technology
Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

0

1 month ago

act, example, humor, keeping, kindness, mouth, random, random act, self-control, shut, silence, sometimes
When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

0

2 months ago

answer, communication, humor, love, only, questions, relationship, should, text, texts, three, woman
Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

0

2 months ago

attraction, dating, flirt, girl, humor, relationship, someone
Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

0

2 months ago

adult, exhausting, exhaustion, functioning, humor, life, life struggle, pretending, struggle, well-adjusted

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

34 shares on Slack this month:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

29 shares on Threads this month:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

42 shares on Slack this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

77 shares on Threads this month:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Going bananas on Threads:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Going viral on X:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Freshly posted on X:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨