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Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

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People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

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Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

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The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

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14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,966

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Spotted on WeChat:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

Live now on Reddit:

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
When your therapist said go for a walk, they didn’t mean through a live-action horror movie set 😂🏚️🌳

frustration, health, humor, i, live, living, living situation, mental, mental health, self-deprecation, situation, walk, walks, worse

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

1 month ago
answering, email, emails, fake, forest, frustration, jaw, mental, mental state, mentally, physically, screaming, smile, state, stress, work
What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

3 weeks ago
age, asking, cook, cooking, friend, humor, learn, pasta, portion, village, whole
I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

1 month ago
age, aging, forgetfulness, humor, life, me, mind, station, thought, train, where
A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

1 month ago
agreement, communication, dialogue, humor, man, marriage, relationship, right, sarcasm, wisdom, yes
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

2 months ago
humor, picked, picked up, ready, reminder, responsibility, tomorrow, trash
If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

7 days ago
communication, conversation, fall, humor, message, minute, phone, someone, text, texts, time, trick

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Live now on WhatsApp:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Spotted on Messenger:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Just landed via WeChat:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Trending via WhatsApp:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Shared recently on Reddit:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

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Activity Log ✨

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

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My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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