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"Who knew that the ultimate diet plan was just a comfy pillow away? Forget counting calories, just count sheep and let those extra pounds snooze away!"

activity, asleep, eat, eating, humor, loss, napping, relaxation, sleep, weight, weight loss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

1 month ago
bathroom, boss, going, home, honesty, humor, i, joke, miscommunication, prank, say, told, workplace
My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

5 days ago
even, humor, i, management, procrastination, superpower, time, time management, wasting, wasting time
They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

1 month ago
aging, crisis, existential, existential humor, expectancy, humor, i, life, life expectancy, mid-life, mid-life crisis, need, time
You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

1 month ago
always, case, cleanliness, ghosts, humor, hygiene, laundry, need, once, routine, sheets, should, shower, spooky, wash, week, weekly, weekly routine
Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

4 months ago
around, baby, breadcrumb, chick, drama, ex, hate, humor, i, love, love triangle, men, relationship, secret, secret baby, side, side chick, still, trauma, triangle, wife
Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

1 month ago
billionaire, economy, got, harder, inequality, labor, less, making, money, paid, pay, rich, spend, spending, sure, wealth, work, working

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

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I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

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August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

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My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

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Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

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I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

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I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

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Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

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Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Source??? Pattern recognition.

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

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Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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