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Commentary:
"Who knew that the ultimate diet plan was just a comfy pillow away? Forget counting calories, just count sheep and let those extra pounds snooze away!"

activity, asleep, eat, eating, humor, loss, napping, relaxation, sleep, weight, weight loss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

0

2 months ago

better, frustration, humor, idiot, idiots, irony, job, keep, making, proof, things, workplace
Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

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4 months ago

book, celebrity, ever, humor, kelce, longer, music, prenup, read, reading, relationship, sports, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, travis, Travis Kelce
Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

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2 months ago

children, Christmas, family, fat, festive, festive fun, food, fun, getting, getting fat, gift, gift giving, giving, holiday, holiday humor, humor, i, love, lying, things, traditions
The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

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4 weeks ago

best, confidence, ever, humor, lose, loss, motivation, opinion, opinions, self, self-confidence, weight, weight loss, wisdom
In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

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1 month ago

asked, before, clean, effort, else, family, holiday, house, humor, joke, keep, live, moving, somewhere, Thanksgiving
I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

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2 months ago

animal, car, end, escape, humor, i, ID, joke, penguin, pet, shift, work, workplace, zoo

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Slack this month:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

16 shares on Discord this month:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Making waves on WeChat:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Just landed via Telegram:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Making waves on Slack:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Going viral on Instagram:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Just shared via WeChat:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Making waves on Instagram:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Spotted on Slack:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨