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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Trending via Snapchat:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Making waves on X:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Just shared via X:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Transforming into a pirate after watching a sea epic; expect me to ask where the rum is for the next 60 days ☠️🎥🏴‍☠️

2, act, acting, character, cinephile, humor, main, main character, method, method watching, months, movie, new, talk, talking, technique, watch, watching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

0

2 months ago

around, calory, count, diet, eating, fast, fast food, food, humor, joke, lifestyle
If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

0

2 months ago

before, broke, customer, customer service, fault, humor, Mary, nice, patience, retail, retail worker, service, shopping, today, waters, worker
The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

0

2 months ago

activity, affectionate, best, cuddle, done, fun, fun activity, humor, intimacy, lighthearted, ones, relationship, where
If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

0

2 months ago

anything, away, communication, email, emails, ethic, message, messages, productivity, quick, quick reply, reply, respond, response, Teams, work, work ethic, workplace
Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

0

2 months ago

activity, am, busy, Buzzfeed, fun, fun activity, humor, i, personality, personality test, potato, procrastination, quiz, test
Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

0

2 months ago

body, body signal, brain, digestion, empty, food, humor, hunger, signal, stomach

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

84 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

36 shares on Slack this month:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

50 shares on X this month:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Making waves on Reddit:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Just shared via Slack:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Just landed via Messenger:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Just landed via Slack:

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨