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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,606

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Shared recently on YouTube:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Live now on Telegram:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Just landed via Reddit:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Live now on Slack:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Making waves on Discord:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Feels like Robin Hood just robbed from the time thieves and gave it back to us! ⏰🦸‍♂️ #TimeHeist #DaylightSavingWin"

back, change, daylight, daylight saving, earlier, hour, humor, joke, nice, sarcasm, saving, stole, theft, time, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

0

2 months ago

answer, full, humor, idiot, idiots, life, question, questions, sarcasm
Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

0

2 months ago

every, flannel, flask, gift, gift guide, guide, hold, humor, knife, men, satire, whiskey
Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

0

2 months ago

35, age, age 35, best, borrow, borrow womb, friend, friendship, gay, gay best friend, girl, girls, humor, love, relationship, womb
If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, know, knowledge, medical, medical profession, person, power, profession, super, super power, x-ray
The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

0

2 months ago

advice, career, career advice, choices, closer, decision, every, having, humor, i, job, life, life choices, LinkedIn, motivation, moves, only, professional, professional life, work
I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

0

2 months ago

accident, burpee, clumsy, doing, exercise, face, humor, i, knee, myself, time, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

15 shares on Slack this month:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

71 shares on Slack this month:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

40 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Seen just now on TikTok:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Seen just now on Discord:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Just shared via X:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Live now on TikTok:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨