Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Breaking via Facebook:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Just landed via Messenger:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Going viral on Threads:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Making waves on Twitch:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Freshly posted on X:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Reaching for cosmic real estate, I see! 🚀🌕✨ Planet shopping is the new window shopping! 🛒🔭

ambition, bare, bare minimum, desire, even, exaggeration, humor, i, maybe, minimum, moon, planet, point, star, stars, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

0

2 months ago

distracted, distracted driving, drive, driving, driving humor, effect, food, humor, i, passenger, passenger effect, person, road, road safety, safety, seat, sitting
I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

0

2 months ago

being, devices, humor, humor quote, i, independence, left, love, own, solitude, technology
Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, coping, enough, exaggeration, health, hit, humor, me, meds, mental, mental health, psych, psych meds, shovel
I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

0

3 months ago

belief, big, birthday, celebration, day, day off, going, humor, work
If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

0

2 months ago

bigger, clean, cleaning, couch, humor, ID, lifestyle, luxury, lying, man, marriage, married, right, rooms, sarcasm, wealth
It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

0

2 months ago

apocalyptic, collapse, fall, humor, irony, love, relationship, romance, romantic, society

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

62 shares on Threads this month:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

60 shares on WeChat this month:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Trending via Facebook:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Making waves on Slack:

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

Making waves on Facebook:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Freshly posted on Threads:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨