Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

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In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

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More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

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I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

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Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

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The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

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Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

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Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.