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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,741

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Going viral on TikTok:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

Shared recently on X:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Trending via WeChat:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Freshly posted on X:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Making waves on TikTok:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

2 months ago

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Wow, someone's clearly the ninja master of creaky joints! 🤫🦸‍♂️

achievement, brag, humor, i, jealous, jealousy, just, making, pride, silence, sound, standing, standing up

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45 shares on Telegram this month:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

34 shares on Twitch this month:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

49 shares on Slack this month:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

55 shares on Discord this month:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

15 shares on YouTube this month:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

62 shares on X this month:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

24 shares on Threads this month:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Just landed via Snapchat:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Spotted on X:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Just shared via Threads:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Making waves on Facebook:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Spotted on Telegram:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

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Activity Log ✨

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Keep the laugh going 😂

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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