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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,997

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Shared recently on Slack:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Trending via Reddit:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Seen just now on Slack:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Shared recently on Twitch:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Going viral on YouTube:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

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One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.
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Commentary:
That’s called karma in high heels and a tiara 👠👑😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

91 shares on Slack this month:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,761

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Back to the Future and chill?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Going bananas on Slack:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Just shared via Discord:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Going viral on Slack:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Going viral on Reddit:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

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