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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,479

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Just landed via Instagram:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Live now on WhatsApp:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Trending via Twitch:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Trending via Snapchat:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
W00t's on the loose in the time vortex, probably chilling with YOLO and swag! 🚀🕰️😅

day, even, humor, internet, internet slang, last, last time, nostalgia, realization, realize, said, slang, time, w00t

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

0

2 months ago

everyone, good, humor, i, know, me, opinion, people, personality, self-confidence, taste
When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

0

2 months ago

childhood, entertainment, humor, i, kid, Netflix, nostalgia, technology, walk
You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, door, humor, i, introvert, knock, murder, reaction, someone, surprise, think, wanted
Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

0

2 months ago

behavior, check, Christmas, humor, just, list, media, naughty, naughty list, online, online behavior, Santa, social, social media, technology, tradition
Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

0

2 months ago

breaking, comedy, comparison, door, film, film reference, horror, humor, jack, Jack Nicholson, looks, Monday, morning, nicholson, reference, shining, The Shining
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

0

2 months ago

clean, cleaning, fear, funny situation, humor, i, kids, loud, neighbors, parenting, room, situation, yelling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

78 shares on X this month:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

38 shares on X this month:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

77 shares on Telegram this month:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Seen just now on X:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Going viral on Threads:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Going viral on Twitch:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Just shared via Snapchat:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

Just shared via Twitch:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Just shared via Discord:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Trending via Pinterest:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨