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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Spotted on Slack:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

Spotted on Reddit:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Just landed via Telegram:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Just landed via WeChat:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Spotted on Threads:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Just landed via Threads:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Live now on Instagram:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can't believe they spent so many years holding their breath! 😂💨

ancestor, ancestors, before, breathe, breathing, date, discovery, history, humor, oxygen, question, science

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

1

2 weeks ago

finance, humor, i, money, need, patience, urgency
If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

0

2 months ago

allowed, am, choice, freedom, ham, humor, i, life, life choice, self-acceptance, spiral
According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

0

2 months ago

around, caffeine, condition, deficiency, humor, life, life threatening, people, threatening, web
You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

0

2 months ago

activity, crazy, friendship, fun, hang, hang out, humor, me, train
What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

0

5 months ago

finite, humor, infinite, mystery, paradox, philosophy, secret, thing, third, universe
You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

0

5 months ago

35, advice, age, aging, bathroom, before, better, bladder, funny advice, health, humor, leave, over, pee, routine, while

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

13 shares on X this month:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

12 shares on X this month:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

26 shares on X this month:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Making waves on Telegram:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

Just landed via WeChat:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Just shared via Reddit:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Going viral on Snapchat:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Making waves on Reddit:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨