If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion? Posted onMay 29, 2026
I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’ Posted onMay 29, 2026
No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’ Posted onMay 29, 2026
That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one. Posted onMay 29, 2026
With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter. Posted onMay 29, 2026
In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated. Posted onMay 29, 2026
The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see. Posted onMay 29, 2026