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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,401

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Trending via Snapchat:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Just landed via Threads:

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

Live now on Instagram:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Making waves on YouTube:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Trending via Twitch:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Going viral on X:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

People say 70-80 year olds are unemployable because of mental decline, yet somehow they’re running all the countries.

People say 70-80 year olds are unemployable because of mental decline, yet somehow they’re running all the countries.
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Commentary:
Guess we've got grandparents running the world's craziest game of "Who Moved My Cheese?" 😂🧀🌍

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

85 shares on Discord this month:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

84 shares on Reddit this month:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,698

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

Trending via Slack:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Making waves on YouTube:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Spotted on YouTube:

Sometimes there is no way to debug besides staring at the code until you become enlightened.

Making waves on X:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Spotted on Facebook:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

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