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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has viewed:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has copied:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has copied:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has shared:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via LinkedIn:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

People who say β€œteamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Just landed via YouTube:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Just shared via Discord:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Just shared via Slack:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Spotted on Twitch:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Spotted on Instagram:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Shared recently on Facebook:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

People say 70-80 year olds are unemployable because of mental decline, yet somehow they’re running all the countries.

Clever and funny quote highlighting the irony of seniors' leadership roles.
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Commentary:
Guess we've got grandparents running the world's craziest game of "Who Moved My Cheese?" πŸ˜‚πŸ§€πŸŒ

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

39 shares on Slack this month:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

78 shares on Threads this month:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

26 shares on Threads this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

Is this art or trash?

42 shares on Discord this month:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has copied:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has shared:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡± has shared:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has copied:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¨ has viewed:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has copied:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has shared:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m running out of people I like.

Trending via Reddit:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Spotted on WeChat:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Seen just now on Threads:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Shared recently on Threads:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Just landed via Threads:

Mice after a breakup be like β€œwe are not on squeaking terms”.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

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