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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,465

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Going viral on Threads:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Just landed via Telegram:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Just landed via YouTube:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Em dashes are just mood swings in text form—AI can't take all the credit! 🤖✍️😅

AI, AI writing, dash, em, em dash, grammar, humor, incoherence, incoherent, mean, please, punctuation, stop, too, us, work, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

0

2 months ago

board, charcuterie, cheddar, cleverness, food, humor, intelligence, joke, wit
It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

0

2 months ago

away, cops, escape, humor, introvert, okay, police, run, run away, shy
Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

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2 months ago

activity, chance, dating, fun, fun activity, getting, humor, island, kitchen, kitchen sex, laid, only, relationship, romance, sex, summer, summer romance
Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

0

2 months ago

happiness, humor, irony, life, lifestyle, living, means, nothing, quality, spending
I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

0

5 months ago

else, humor, i, ID, identity, irony, personality, regret, self, somebody
My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

0

2 months ago

better, conspiracy, conspiracy theory, favorite, humor, irony, optimism, sarcasm, theory, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Discord this month:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

27 shares on X this month:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

21 shares on X this month:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Just landed via Threads:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Just shared via Telegram:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

Breaking via Messenger:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Just shared via Twitch:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Just landed via Threads:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Making waves on X:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Trending via Facebook:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Spotted on Instagram:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨