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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Going viral on Facebook:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Just landed via Instagram:

At least life has music.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Just shared via Instagram:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Spotted on X:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

3 months ago

0

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ready to save the world or just track your steps at the gala? 🚀👗🏃‍♀️

accessory, apple, Apple Watch, attire, dress, fashion, formal, formal attire, humor, kid, outfit, please, spy, spy kid, style, take, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

0

2 months ago

absurdity, animal, car, cars, front, going, horse, humor, i, know, river, stop, trade, transportation
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

0

3 months ago

animal, anxiety, avoid, away, contact, eye, eye contact, greeting, hello, hope, humor, i, instinct, introvert, person, say, social, social anxiety
Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

0

4 months ago

airfare, expense, expensive, give, going, humor, joke, just, me, plane, plane ticket, ride, ticket, tickets, transportation, travel, why
Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

0

2 months ago

close, food, fry, humor, onion, onion ring, ring, rings, snack
The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, domestic, domestic life, existence, feral, housewife, humor, i, life, term
“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

0

2 months ago

communication, flirt, girl, God, good, humor, irony, skills

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Discord this month:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

56 shares on Threads this month:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Strict parents raise good liars.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

16 shares on Threads this month:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

64 shares on Discord this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dance like China isn’t watching.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Going viral on Twitch:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Going bananas on Telegram:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Breaking via TikTok:

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

Just landed via Threads:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Spotted on Telegram:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Just landed via Threads:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

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