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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Just shared via YouTube:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Live now on Slack:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Trending via Discord:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous warning about wearing an Apple Watch with formal attire, likening it to a spy kid.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ready to save the world or just track your steps at the gala? 🚀👗🏃‍♀️

accessory, apple, Apple Watch, attire, dress, fashion, formal, formal attire, humor, kid, outfit, please, spy, spy kid, style, take, watch

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69 shares on X this month:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

56 shares on Threads this month:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

44 shares on Discord this month:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Making waves on Twitch:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Live now on X:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

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Activity Log ✨

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Keep the laugh going 😂

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨