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Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Trending via WeChat:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Shared recently on Slack:

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Going bananas on Discord:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Live now on YouTube:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Breaking via Threads:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Making waves on X:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about a prison pen pal feeling down, highlighting dark humor and irony.

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Commentary:
Even my pen pal from Alcatraz thinks I need to lighten up! 🖊️😅📬

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84 shares on Instagram this month:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

28 shares on Threads this month:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

56 shares on Threads this month:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Sausage might clog my arteries, but it lubricates my soul.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Broadcasted on X:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Just shared via Slack:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Just shared via WeChat:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Live now on Facebook:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Going viral on Telegram:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Just shared via Instagram:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

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Activity Log ✨

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨