Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

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Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

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I like my bed more than I like most people.

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Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

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Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

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I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.