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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Happiness is an inside job.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,678

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Just landed via Messenger:

This Monday could have been an email.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Trending via YouTube:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Breaking via Reddit:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Breaking via Twitch:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Going viral on Instagram:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I've found my new designated barker! 🚗🐶🍻

cute, dog, drive, driving, drunk, funny scenario, home, humor, me, pet, pub, rescue, scenario, teaching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

0

2 months ago

big, bite, cheese, mouse, party, piece, remember, rocking, tonight, tweet, Tweets
The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

0

2 months ago

birth, birth preparation, breathing, breathing exercise, child, course, exercise, humor, once, parenting, preparation, puberty
I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

0

2 months ago

broke, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, joke, memory, money, remember, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, still, struggle, well, why
I’m not old, I’m vintage.

0

2 months ago

age, humor, life, old, perspective, self-deprecation, vintage, wisdom
If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

0

2 months ago

being, bladder, feel, frustration, great, health, humor, hydrated, hydration, irony, pissed, thing
Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

0

2 months ago

fitness, gaining, humor, irony, losing, self-deprecation, superpower, weight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

45 shares on Threads this month:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

84 shares on X this month:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

11 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

93 shares on Threads this month:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Just landed via Messenger:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Making waves on Telegram:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Making waves on Telegram:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Going bananas on Slack:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Just shared via Slack:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Making waves on Telegram:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨