Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

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All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

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I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

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Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

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I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

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Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

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I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

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It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

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People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

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They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

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I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.