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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,483

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Freshly posted on X:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Making waves on Threads:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Spotted on Twitch:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Spotted on Snapchat:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Just landed via WeChat:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When words fail, my silence game is on point 😄🤐🔇

am, communication, fluent, friendship, humor, i, me, next, silence, sit, speak, tired, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

0

2 months ago

20s, adulthood, attachment, haunt, humor, life, memory, people, person, relationship, rest, twenty
I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

0

5 months ago

clothing, dental, dental floss, fashion, floss, hot, humor, i, joke, lingerie, put, red, wanted, wear
Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

0

2 months ago

cleanliness, fingerprints, humor, mirror, reflection, self-awareness, wall
I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

0

2 months ago

coping, crazy, divorce, emotions, fine, hard, humor, i, joy, recovery, time
Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

0

2 months ago

activity, data, enough, excel, fun, fun activity, habits, humor, i, insights, listening, music, personal, personal insights, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, spreadsheet, technology, want, wrapped
Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

0

2 months ago

benefit, cynicism, doubt, every, expectations, give, humor, irony, relationships, someone, time, trust

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on X this month:

Oh good. Another day.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

90 shares on Slack this month:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

51 shares on Discord this month:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

67 shares on X this month:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Just shared via Telegram:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Breaking via Discord:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Trending via Twitch:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Making waves on TikTok:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Just landed via Slack:

Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

Making waves on X:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨