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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Spotted on Telegram:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Seen just now on X:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Trending via Instagram:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Just don't let it be the start of a long-term 'bread' relationship! 🥪🤣"

ambition, aspiration, change, food, forever, humor, i, life, motivation, sandwich, someday

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Telegram this month:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

87 shares on Threads this month:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Making waves on Slack:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Just shared via Facebook:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Trending via Slack:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Seen just now on Discord:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

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Activity Log ✨

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨