Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,698

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Making waves on Reddit:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Spotted on Slack:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Shared recently on YouTube:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Live now on Instagram:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Recovering people pleaser here too, taking "strict" as my new badge of honor! 🏅😅

compliment, humor, improvement, lot, me, means, people, people pleaser, pleaser, recovering, self, self-improvement, someone, strict, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

0

2 months ago

admit, change, climate, environment, going, humor, irony, issue, nothing, problem, solution
Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

0

2 months ago

asking, awkward, awkward moment, coffee, date, humor, i, later, minutes, moment, number, phone, phone number, relationship, texting, waiter
Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

0

5 months ago

anime, care, deodorant, even, humor, hygiene, man, personal, personal care, still, wear
All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

0

2 months ago

forgetfulness, humor, joke, memory, password, poor, protection, security
I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

0

2 months ago

after, gone, herd, herd mentality, humor, i, media, mentality, opinion, opinions, political, politics, post, satire, selfie, social, social media, sure, viral
I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

0

2 months ago

anyone, bold, comedy, everyone, here, humor, irony, joke, offend, provocative, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Threads this month:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

83 shares on Slack this month:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

78 shares on Discord this month:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

17 shares on Slack this month:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Breaking via Telegram:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

Going viral on Reddit:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Freshly posted on X:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Freshly posted on X:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Just landed via Telegram:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Shared recently on X:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨