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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,363

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Going viral on WeChat:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Just shared via Twitch:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Spotted on Messenger:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Live now on Reddit:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you hit a home run straight into the Twilight Zone! 😂⚾👽

5th, 5th base, base, dating, describe, flirting, humor, i, kiss, me, only, romance, someone, tongue, tongue kiss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

0

2 months ago

diet, food, frustration, humor, lunch, mad, people
Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

0

4 weeks ago

boredom, boring, dating, dude, ghosting, humor, left, media, personality, social, social media, swipe, swipe left
If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

0

2 months ago

cheat, dad, date, dump, humor, irony, man, relationship, son, step, step son
Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

0

2 months ago

awake, awareness, compensation, entitlement, humor, sleep
If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

0

2 months ago

bear, ever, fight, gummy, hope, humor, i, joke, wish
Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

0

4 months ago

after, apology, car, driving, ever, hit, humor, personification, pothole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Reddit this month:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

65 shares on Discord this month:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

44 shares on Twitch this month:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I love unplanned fun.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Seen just now on Slack:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨